reports/administratium.html

   1 <H1>New chemical Element Discovered</H1>
   2
   3 The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by
   4 investigators at a major U.S. research university. The element,
   5 tentatively named administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus
   6 has an atomic number of 0.  However, it does have one neutron, 125
   7 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons and 111 assistant vice neutrons,
   8 which gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held
   9 together by a force that involves the continuous exchange of
  10 meson-like particles called morons. <P>
  11
  12 Since it has no electrons, administratium is inert. However, it can be
  13 detected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes in contact
  14 with. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of administratium
  15 causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would
  16 have normally occurred in less than a second. <P>
  17
  18 Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years, at
  19 which time it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization
  20 in which assistant neutrons, vice neutrons and assistant vice neutrons
  21 exchange places. Some studies have shown that the atomic mass actually
  22 increases after each reorganization. <P>
  23
  24 Research at other laboratories indicates that administratium occurs
  25 naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain points
  26 such as government agencies, large corporations, and universities. It
  27 can usually be found in the newest, best appointed, and best
  28 maintained buildings. <P>
  29
  30 Scientists point out that administratium is known to be toxic at any
  31 level of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reaction
  32 where it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to
  33 determine how administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible
  34 damage, but results to date are not promising. <P>